I really didn't have time to come up with something good to write about and hope this will do. This is just the spur of the moment kind of thing. Been trying to do this for like a week now. So weird, wasn't that long it seem like I didn't have enough to do and now its like I have to make plans so I can do stuff in time. With trying to find a job and trying to make a budget, things are getting really scary mainly because this grown up stuff in really happening. Before I was pretty much taken care of, now my Grandparents are teaching me things I need to know. I know no one said it'd be easy, I guess it'll be hard at first until I get used to it. I had someone in Austin tell me that life is hard, we have to suck it up and work with what we have and can do because it isn't gonna get any easier. I'm thinking with God in our hearts and prayers, maybe with Him life won't be so hard because we'll have the kind of joy and love He gives. And with Him, even in the Bible it says "With Him We Can Do All Things" I think its in the Bible, not sure. I don't have it with me right now and if I did I wouldn't have a clue where to look for it. A friend of mine would know though, if she reads this she would know that I'm talking about her. I text her a lot asking questions about God and stuff. She is very helpful and I look up to her, always.
In the past two weeks a lot has happened. I can't really get into details, but I had to really trust God and have great faith in Him. It was hard because I really didn't think things would get any better than they were and didn't know if things would get better either with a friend of mine in Austin. But it did with many prayers and faith. I'll still be praying and I thank all my friends for praying with me and being there, I thank my Grandparents who still helps and supports me in any way they can, and I am very thankful that God was and will still be there for all of us. I think it's always important to pray and be thankful, not just when we need something or having a hard time.
Another thing I just have to share that I really believe 100% is that "A Thankful Heart is a Happy Heart" a friend of mine let me borrow a tape on Veggie Tales. Now I know I'm not a kid and all, but I love Veggie Tales and the Bible stories. This Veggie Tale was a lesson in Thankful, I loved the lesson so much I watch it twice. Sadly to say my same friend has one tape left for me to see. She has been letting me watch Veggie Tales after Veggie Tales each week. I'm very thankful she did and I will continue to look for more Veggie Tales.
Once I do get a job (if I ever do) I'm not sure what my plans will be or if I'll have time to keep writing on here, but my Sunday school teacher seems to make time for hers so maybe I can too. I just need to make time once I figure out what I'm doing when I get a job and get going. I'm praying and hoping when I do get a job I still can make it to Sundays morning church and Wednesdays night bible study. I just don't think I can give any of those up, I live for God or at least that's my main plan to. I just think if I give anything up that has to do with God then I'm not doing what He wants. I have this saying that I been using and not sure if others use it or not, but its "Live for God and a little less me" I just love saying that and I do mean it. I know lately I haven't been reading the Bible as often as I was before and I know that's not good at all. That's where tomorrow comes in, I'm taking a whole hour to give the Bible my full attention and then I will finish my homework for King's Daughters.
Well, I must go because I can go on for days and write forever. I wish everyone and anyone who reads this the best. I'll write something sooner or later....... (:
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Why the title?
I had this title in my mind for a while now. Thinking how I could explain why it means so much to me. It's a long story, but it is true and I'd like to share it with you. Hope you enjoy it.
April 12th, 2010 of last year I was living with my parents. I was troubled and did what I knew best, run away. I've known to do that since 2000, I was only 12 years old when my problems began. I was put on medications every since. First it was because I had to go to a (mental) hospital then it became something I wanted to do just to get away from problems. I been going in and out of hospitals every since, hiding out till my problems cooled down. It was what I always did when things got hard in life, run. I always assume that I had a home to come back to. This time I was wrong. This is where it begins. Where I let God in my life, but it took 8 and half months before I got there. Before I knew what I know now about God.
Sometime in Oct. 2009 my dear neighbor invited me to Second Baptist in LaGrange. It been a few years before I been to any church at all. When I first went to Second Baptist, I saw a whole different idea of who God really was and is. But I didn't believe, I wanted to. Just couldn't. Not yet. But I became a member of that church, hoping I would become a believer. I wanted to believe.
So after two weeks being in the hospital in April 2010, I had to go into a group home in Austin. I was scared and soon realized that I was away from everyone and everything I knew. The group home was not an ideal place for anyone to live, but at least I did have a place to stay. A part of me wanted to know why I couldn't come back home, but at the same time I knew. I knew every reason why. I just needed to hear it so I would know it was true. But I didn't ask because in my heart it was too hard. The hospital set me up with a place where I went during the week, called 'Hill Country Counseling'. Where I could get help. I was scared and so lost, felt like I was being punish. I didn't think of God. I kept thinking how was I going to get home. I mostly thought of myself and only me. Weeks went by, I told my family I wanted to come home and I told everyone else I spoke to that I wanted to come home. It was like they could hear me, but they weren't listening. I didn't know what else to do, but run and keep regressing.
At some point my parents finally brought the cd of 'Seale Sisters' that I kept asking about. At the time it was the closest and only thing I had to God. The music gave me comfort and sometimes I cried because I wanted to believe that the words in the songs were true, but at the time I had huge doubts. I thought about the last ten years of my life; my mistakes, my relationships, my sins, and basically everything I could remember I thought about.
After 6 months of still running; I felt so tired, so depressed, and so lost. I felt like life was meaningless and thought I had no purpose to stick around. Before I could decide anything I thought and ask myself, "Do I really want it to end this way?" as I start remembering everything I could possibly remember about my whole life. The good, the bad, and everything in between. To the thing I hated most to the most important thing that seem to only matter to me, my dear sister. The thought of her growing up, living a life of her own. I wanted to be apart of that. So I knew I couldn't do anything because she's my baby sister and I couldn't bare the thought of doing that to her. It got me thinking about what I wanted and what I was going to do about it. That night I listen to 'He will carry you' and 'God did it' on the cd in bed. I must have fallen to sleep because the next morning I felt such hope and loved. And I haven't felt loved since the whole time I was there. That was when I decided that I wasn't gonna give up. And I wasn't gonna run anymore, ever. I truly believe and feel that was my first leap of faith, hoping and believing I can do this. That I can believe in God. That I didn't have to live that way. That small faith took my all the way to November.
Between August and November I started to do what I could and didn't worry about what I couldn't. I joined a gym that was big and went there weekly. At Hill Country Counseling I started to use the help they offer; learned how to deal with everyday problems as well as the big ones, learned about coping skills, and social skills. I learned just enough to help me get where I am now.
In November when I came to visit my parents and my baby sister for Thanksgiving, it made me realize how badly I was ready to come back. I knew I couldn't go back home because it wasn't my home anymore. Things were different and so was I. But I did knew it was time for me to come back, it had to be. When I went back to Austin where I was currently living, for the first time I started to pray in I don't know how long. But I prayed and told God I wanted to come back, that I wanted to go to church. Not just any church, but Second Baptist in LaGrange. In a couple of days things weren't working out with a friend of mine. Our plans were to get an apartment together, but somehow her mother decided no. So I thought, "Well, I can't go back into a group home". I was staying with her at the time because the group home had bedbugs and they weren't doing anything about it. That was how we was gonna get a place together because she wanted to have a room mate and I needed a good place to live. I called my Dad telling him that I just can't go back into another group home, that I couldn't. After the call, I prayed again and ask God to help me find a way to get back to LaGrange. Later that night I thought about maybe my Grandparents would let me stay with them. So after calling my Grandma and asking her. I was so overwhelmed with such hope and joy, cried because I honestly felt like I wasn't ever going to be able to come back.
Dec. 12th, 2010 I moved in with my Grandparents. I feel like God was always there and heard me all along, waiting. I feel like when God send His son to die for us on the cross, that was Him giving us a chance to be heard (our cries of sins). I no longer feel like I am living in twilight zone. God gives me the kind of love and strength I never had, a peace of mind. God saved me from my troubles and my past. God did that, no one else. I am a new Christian and proud to be one.
That is the story of my testimony and I hope it was a good one. In this blog I will share my thoughts and beliefs. I hope you all look forward to reading more of what I have to share.
April 12th, 2010 of last year I was living with my parents. I was troubled and did what I knew best, run away. I've known to do that since 2000, I was only 12 years old when my problems began. I was put on medications every since. First it was because I had to go to a (mental) hospital then it became something I wanted to do just to get away from problems. I been going in and out of hospitals every since, hiding out till my problems cooled down. It was what I always did when things got hard in life, run. I always assume that I had a home to come back to. This time I was wrong. This is where it begins. Where I let God in my life, but it took 8 and half months before I got there. Before I knew what I know now about God.
Sometime in Oct. 2009 my dear neighbor invited me to Second Baptist in LaGrange. It been a few years before I been to any church at all. When I first went to Second Baptist, I saw a whole different idea of who God really was and is. But I didn't believe, I wanted to. Just couldn't. Not yet. But I became a member of that church, hoping I would become a believer. I wanted to believe.
So after two weeks being in the hospital in April 2010, I had to go into a group home in Austin. I was scared and soon realized that I was away from everyone and everything I knew. The group home was not an ideal place for anyone to live, but at least I did have a place to stay. A part of me wanted to know why I couldn't come back home, but at the same time I knew. I knew every reason why. I just needed to hear it so I would know it was true. But I didn't ask because in my heart it was too hard. The hospital set me up with a place where I went during the week, called 'Hill Country Counseling'. Where I could get help. I was scared and so lost, felt like I was being punish. I didn't think of God. I kept thinking how was I going to get home. I mostly thought of myself and only me. Weeks went by, I told my family I wanted to come home and I told everyone else I spoke to that I wanted to come home. It was like they could hear me, but they weren't listening. I didn't know what else to do, but run and keep regressing.
At some point my parents finally brought the cd of 'Seale Sisters' that I kept asking about. At the time it was the closest and only thing I had to God. The music gave me comfort and sometimes I cried because I wanted to believe that the words in the songs were true, but at the time I had huge doubts. I thought about the last ten years of my life; my mistakes, my relationships, my sins, and basically everything I could remember I thought about.
After 6 months of still running; I felt so tired, so depressed, and so lost. I felt like life was meaningless and thought I had no purpose to stick around. Before I could decide anything I thought and ask myself, "Do I really want it to end this way?" as I start remembering everything I could possibly remember about my whole life. The good, the bad, and everything in between. To the thing I hated most to the most important thing that seem to only matter to me, my dear sister. The thought of her growing up, living a life of her own. I wanted to be apart of that. So I knew I couldn't do anything because she's my baby sister and I couldn't bare the thought of doing that to her. It got me thinking about what I wanted and what I was going to do about it. That night I listen to 'He will carry you' and 'God did it' on the cd in bed. I must have fallen to sleep because the next morning I felt such hope and loved. And I haven't felt loved since the whole time I was there. That was when I decided that I wasn't gonna give up. And I wasn't gonna run anymore, ever. I truly believe and feel that was my first leap of faith, hoping and believing I can do this. That I can believe in God. That I didn't have to live that way. That small faith took my all the way to November.
Between August and November I started to do what I could and didn't worry about what I couldn't. I joined a gym that was big and went there weekly. At Hill Country Counseling I started to use the help they offer; learned how to deal with everyday problems as well as the big ones, learned about coping skills, and social skills. I learned just enough to help me get where I am now.
In November when I came to visit my parents and my baby sister for Thanksgiving, it made me realize how badly I was ready to come back. I knew I couldn't go back home because it wasn't my home anymore. Things were different and so was I. But I did knew it was time for me to come back, it had to be. When I went back to Austin where I was currently living, for the first time I started to pray in I don't know how long. But I prayed and told God I wanted to come back, that I wanted to go to church. Not just any church, but Second Baptist in LaGrange. In a couple of days things weren't working out with a friend of mine. Our plans were to get an apartment together, but somehow her mother decided no. So I thought, "Well, I can't go back into a group home". I was staying with her at the time because the group home had bedbugs and they weren't doing anything about it. That was how we was gonna get a place together because she wanted to have a room mate and I needed a good place to live. I called my Dad telling him that I just can't go back into another group home, that I couldn't. After the call, I prayed again and ask God to help me find a way to get back to LaGrange. Later that night I thought about maybe my Grandparents would let me stay with them. So after calling my Grandma and asking her. I was so overwhelmed with such hope and joy, cried because I honestly felt like I wasn't ever going to be able to come back.
Dec. 12th, 2010 I moved in with my Grandparents. I feel like God was always there and heard me all along, waiting. I feel like when God send His son to die for us on the cross, that was Him giving us a chance to be heard (our cries of sins). I no longer feel like I am living in twilight zone. God gives me the kind of love and strength I never had, a peace of mind. God saved me from my troubles and my past. God did that, no one else. I am a new Christian and proud to be one.
That is the story of my testimony and I hope it was a good one. In this blog I will share my thoughts and beliefs. I hope you all look forward to reading more of what I have to share.
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