I'm not sure where to start, my friends are so busy doing their thing and with summer coming up its bound to get crazy. Texting is going to be a different deal then what I'm used to, so that's changing. For some people, its always crazy/busy for them. For others, they see it as everyday task. For me, still trying to find my thing and figure out how I'm suppose to look at it. But no matter how we see it, it's part of life. A friend of mine put on facebook "That minutes are like pennies, each one counts." I was thinking all day yesterday about it and she put that on facebook two days ago, but I haven't really thought about it until yesterday morning though. I think its so true what she put because I waited ten years to come back to Arkansas and see my family that missed me for so long, and realizing I missed out on an amazing family I never realized I had.
When I got to thinking about how minutes are like pennies, I realized that we shouldn't take a second of our life for granted even though I know we all do. Minutes or years, it all counts. Because in between all of it, everything changes and there's nothing that can be done about it. But we can make the best of what we got this very second and try to appreciate what God has given us.
Being here in Arkansas is something the old me would never had done. When I say old me, I'm talking about the old Brandi who was on medicine for ten years and wasn't a believer in Jesus Christ yet. The old Brandi on medication was stuck in the past relaying on stuff to make her feel better expecting it to do all the work, but after ten years I finally woke up realizing and learned that I wasn't getting anywhere good. And that at the same time, seeing that only God can save us. I'm talking about from eternal hell when I say save.
Now, I been off medicine for almost seven months and doing extremely great. I can't say if I ever really needed to be on medicine or not. But I will say in my opinion, it was the only thing I knew at the time and the only thing anyone else knew how to help me. I don't care what anyone says about my past, what I did or what I said because all that really matters now is the Brandi I am today. My past is not only history of things I've done, but sins. Sins that were forgiven when I accepted Christ. The past doesn't matter anymore cause it's not who I am, its who I was and that's all behind me. Now I'm not saying I'm cured or anything, but the truth is I don't need to be on medicine anymore. My counselor thinks I never needed any except counseling. I see her one more time next month and then I'm done because she says I'm doing too good that there are others that need my place. I'm greatful that at some point, my diagnosis will be clear as well. What I'm trying to get at is that we do need God, but He made doctors and medicine for a reason. In my case, its a different story.
Back in my hometown, I might get a job. When I leave here I'm suppose to meet someone that may hire me, the last I heard the lady is very interested in meeting me. Hopefully this person will see that I really want the job. I can't wait to see how it'll turn out, I'm excited and have high hopes for this one. I already been told what I'll be doing and all, so its very exciting and at the same time I'm so eager about learning as I go. Finally have another thing that I can do with my time and hopefully it'll be enough to get by. I don't care about being rich or poor, all I need is enough to get by and I'm greatful.
I know on my very first post I put up was about my testimony, it was real when I wrote that. But after a while, I could tell there's more to it then just saying I believe and I'm forgiven. There's so much to it that a whole lifetime is not enough for us to learn it all. Its a on going learning experience that lasts forever.
It was the first week of last month when the whole Jesus dying on the cross became something so real and powerful, feelings I never had. And like when I was praying afterwards, felt like I wasn't talking to a brick wall anymore. I begin to realize I never really accepted His forgiveness and I was just beginning to have real faith, but between then and the first week of this month I did accept it. I think before like when I wrote that testimony, I already had believed in God. I just didn't truly accept His gift. The song 'Amazing Love' is what started it all. At first I was getting all choked up listening to it, picturing the cross, and the whole Jesus dying for our sins. It is truly an amazing thing when you do believe in something so great, beyond any one's understanding. And when you have faith in God and give your whole life to Him, that's the kind of thing that can change your life completely and give you such unbelievable amazing love that brings the kind of joy only He can provide. For me, my journey has only begun and its called the walk with Jesus.
