These past months have been extremely crazy, but I think life is that way for everyone in one way or another. I wanted to share about this past year how much it change, but I first wanted to share what it was like before then how it is now. When I came to live with my grandparents a year ago in Dec. 12th, 2010 I did not know or could ever dream my life being what it is today, but its all because of the people God brought into my life. I have wonderful grandparents that are so loving and caring, parents that always stuck by me no matter what, a amazing little sister, I have these amazing friends that know me all too well, and not least but above all my Savior Jesus Christ who will never leave my side. I started out not knowing much about Jesus or hardly enough to know I can be forgiven by accepting Him as my Savior.
I think about so much that I probably don't even need to, but I have always been that way though I am so much better at how I think about things. Few things I would think about before I came to live with my Grandma and Papa was; will life get any better, will I ever have that mother and daughter thing, is God real at all, and I always wonder if He was that it be possible to ever know if I be going to Heaven even after all I've done. I done so much since 2000 up until the last year in high school, then I've tried to be 'a better person' and change my ways. But somehow that didn't seem to work, every morning I remember getting up constantly being reminded of the things I did and wondering if my parents ever forgive me. It felt like the biggest burden, I felt like I was a burden. Though I felt stuck in Austin for 9 months before I came to live with my Grandparents, it was the hardest and best thing I had to go through because I learned alot about my illness and about what I put my parents through. It was easier to want to change who I was cause I knew what it was I wanted to change. Though at the same time I thought I had the skills and believed at the time I never needed to be on any meds that it was just my selfishness and the attention I wanted back then. That was why I took myself off, I did good for a while. But then things got too hard and I realized it was more then what I thought, at that time the two things I knew is I did not want to give up and that I had to get back on meds.
When I came to live with my Grandparents, I did not have many friends at all. I had two; a neighbor who took me to church, and a Sunday school teacher. I didn't even have my own car yet. I had many questions and so much I wanted to know about God, it amazed me learning because Second Baptist Church was different then the other churches I been to. It was very friendly, something there that had me and kept me going back every Sunday. Then it was Beth Moore Bible Study to Houston Tuesday nights, then Friendships. Then before I knew it there was Wednesday nights bible study at church I didn't know about, and a car that my Papa provided me with. I started to get real busy real quick, helping out with King's Daughters and then a job came along. A trip to see my family in Arkansas on my real mother's side for the first time in 10 years, then came back to move into my first apartment, met this most awesome mom that means so much, lost the job and then got another, soon that was when things got hard where I had to go back into hospital and get back on meds. Then with being back on meds things were different for me for a while, but I still had friends even though I thought for sure I lose them. I had lost that job, move out of my apartment and back in with with grandparents with my cat, got a new job at Wal-Mart, and now I have someone in my life that I can actually consider my mom. But God did it all, there's nothing or anything I wouldn't want without my Lord Jesus Christ. I feel I did more this year then I was actually able to do my whole life and its a wonderful feeling, all the thanks goes to the Man upstairs. I only hope and I pray that I continue to follow the path Jesus is at.
