Why the title?

I had this title in my mind for a while now. Thinking how I could explain why it means so much to me. It's a long story, but it is true and I'd like to share it with you. Hope you enjoy it.

                              April 12th, 2010 of last year I was living with my parents. I was troubled and did what I knew best, run away. I've known to do that since 2000, I was only 12 years old when my problems began. I was put on medications every since. First it was because I had to go to a (mental) hospital then it became something I wanted to do just to get away from problems. I been going in and out of hospitals every since, hiding out till my problems cooled down. It was what I always did when things got hard in life, run. I always assume that I had a home to come back to. This time I was wrong. This is where it begins. Where I let God in my life, but it took 8 and half months before I got there. Before I knew what I know now about God.

                 Sometime in Oct. 2009 my dear neighbor invited me to Second Baptist in LaGrange. It been a few years before I been to any church at all. When I first went to Second Baptist, I saw a whole different idea of who God really was and is. But I didn't believe, I wanted to. Just couldn't. Not yet. But I became a member of that church, hoping I would become a believer. I wanted to believe.

                 So after two weeks being in the hospital in April 2010, I had to go into a group home in Austin. I was scared and soon realized that I was away from everyone and everything I knew. The group home was not an ideal place for anyone to live, but at least I did have a place to stay. A part of me wanted to know why I couldn't come back home, but at the same time I knew. I knew every reason why. I just needed to hear it so I would know it was true. But I didn't ask because in my heart it was too hard. The hospital set me up with a place where I went during the week, called 'Hill Country Counseling'. Where I could get help. I was scared and so lost, felt like I was being punish. I didn't think of God. I kept thinking how was I going to get home. I mostly thought of myself and only me. Weeks went by, I told my family I wanted to come home and I told everyone else I spoke to that I wanted to come home. It was like they could hear me, but they weren't listening. I didn't know what else to do, but run and keep regressing.
                At some point my parents finally brought the cd of 'Seale Sisters' that I kept asking about. At the time it was the closest and only thing I had to God. The music gave me comfort and sometimes I cried because I wanted to believe that the words in the songs were true, but at the time I had huge doubts. I thought about the last ten years of my life; my mistakes, my relationships, my sins, and basically everything I could remember I thought about.
                After 6 months of still running; I felt so tired, so depressed, and so lost. I felt like life was meaningless and thought I had no purpose to stick around. Before I could decide anything I thought and ask myself, "Do I really want it to end this way?" as I start remembering everything I could possibly remember about my whole life. The good, the bad, and everything in between. To the thing I hated most to the most important thing that seem to only matter to me, my dear sister. The thought of her growing up, living a life of her own. I wanted to be apart of that. So I knew I couldn't do anything because she's my baby sister and I couldn't bare the thought of doing that to her. It got me thinking about what I wanted and what I was going to do about it. That night I listen to 'He will carry you' and 'God did it' on the cd in bed. I must have fallen to sleep because the next morning I felt such hope and loved. And I haven't felt loved since the whole time I was there. That was when I decided that I wasn't gonna give up. And I wasn't gonna run anymore, ever.  I truly believe and feel that was my first leap of faith, hoping and believing I can do this. That I can believe in God. That I didn't have to live that way. That small faith took my all the way to November.
                Between August and November I started to do what I could and didn't worry about what I couldn't. I joined a gym that was big and went there weekly. At Hill Country Counseling I started to use the help they offer; learned how to deal with everyday problems as well as the big ones, learned about coping skills, and social skills. I learned just enough to help me get where I am now.
                In November when I came to visit my parents and my baby sister for Thanksgiving, it made me realize how badly I was ready to come back. I knew I couldn't go back home because it wasn't my home anymore. Things were different and so was I. But I did knew it was time for me to come back, it had to be. When I went back to Austin where I was currently living, for the first time I started to pray in I don't know how long. But I prayed and told God I wanted to come back, that I wanted to go to church. Not just any church, but Second Baptist in LaGrange. In a couple of days things weren't working out with a friend of mine. Our plans were to get an apartment together, but somehow her mother decided no. So I thought, "Well, I can't go back into a group home". I was staying with her at the time because the group home had bedbugs and they weren't doing anything about it. That was how we was gonna get a place together because she wanted to have a room mate and I needed a good place to live. I called my Dad telling him that I just can't go back into another group home, that I couldn't. After the call, I prayed again and ask God to help me find a way to get back to LaGrange. Later that night I thought about maybe my Grandparents would let me stay with them. So after calling my Grandma and asking her. I was so overwhelmed with such hope and joy, cried because I honestly felt like I wasn't ever going to be able to come back.

                Dec. 12th, 2010 I moved in with my Grandparents. I feel like God was always there and heard me all along, waiting. I feel like when God send His son to die for us on the cross, that was Him giving us a chance to be heard (our cries of sins). I no longer feel like I am living in twilight zone. God gives me the kind of love and strength I never had, a peace of mind. God saved me from my troubles and my past. God did that, no one else. I am a new Christian and proud to be one.

               That is the story of my testimony and I hope it was a good one. In this blog I will share my thoughts and beliefs. I hope you all look forward to reading more of what I have to share.