Okay, so I'm not working and I'm not even sure if it was the best choice after all. Nevermind on the reasons. Just can't stand not working knowing I could be doing that right now making money I could use. What changed between now and before I quit, I don't know. I just feel its one of my dumb choices I been making lately, but we learn and keep going. A friend told me "you fall off the horse six times, you get back up the seventh time" well it was something like that, but hope you get the point. At the same time I'm having a hard time seeing what God's plans are for me or what's in front of me, but I'm praying about it.
Praying seems like the best choice anyone can make. And you can get stuff and everything off your chest sharing it with God, He already knows and ready to listen at any time of day or night. I just hope I'm doing what God wants me to do, I know I don't do enough so I'm trying to do more then reading a verse here and there, praying/talking to God about life and what not.
I like singing in the choir and that helps even though I really can't sing, but don't think that matters to God because I'm only singing to Him and no one else. I been wanting to do that forever and glad I get to because I wasn't even sure if I'd be allowed to so I think its awesome. And yes, I'm on here because I am just bored today and rather write about what's on my mind then not at all. Hope its not too personal, well to me I just simply feel like I'm yapping mainly.
I got a young cat name Chewy, he sure is the best. I feel so lucky to have him and so greatful a friend of mine got me him. Chewy likes to be up in my face whenever he can, I on the other hands would like to breath. He likes to be loved on meaning petted and talked to, and playing. When he's not getting the attention when he wants it, he goes around my feet maowing at me. His maow is very soft and he looks at you like you know what he's maowing about so he'll expect you to answer him. What I like about him the most isn't just one thing, there's many things about that cat that brings joy and puts a smile on my face, sometimes he can make me laugh by the silly things he thinks he can do. Overall, he's the best cat I say. And I already love him so very much, I especially love how he returns the favor. Loving me back, being a friend when I need one. Even though he can't talk back, I think he tries to by maowing and letting me know it'll be alright. So I guess you get the idea he's a great cat.
Now that summer's over and school starting, things change once again and always will. I don't like change much, but when I get old I imagine I'm gonna hate it because the world's going to be a different place with technology by then unless if Jesus comes back before then or if I get call home. Technology is already changing the world, kinda neat and kinda scary. Depends on what it is used for I guess, just as long as it doesn't replace our amazing God who Himself is neater and greater then anything. Even technology and money. Now about the money, that's just sad. But yapping about that I find it very unneccsary because it seems everything has to be about money and it doesn't, but it is. In a world without Jesus.
Life just been different for me since I been out of the hospital and I guess if it makes any sense I'm trying to find my place in this world with Jesus by my side. But God been so good to me, and He continues to amaze me all the time that He's there reminding me so much like how bless I am to have the people who are around me, my Christian family. Sometimes knowing things like that is all it takes to put a real smile on your face because life can always be so much more worse, but nothing can change the fact that we Christians will always have Jesus no matter how bad they get. Life is so much more then money and technology. Things that keeps us from God, our Heavenly Father. Just so there's no misunderstanding I love my blood family very much and they mean so much.
Well, I'm think I'm done yapping on here so I'll get off for now until next time I have something better to share then just yapping, at least I don't feel like I waste my breath. Better go, later.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Its all God
Well, alot happened in the last two months and haven't got a clue where to begin. But I will give it my best shot.
3 weeks ago I was really struggling, but I figure life gets hard I can do it so I kept doing my best. Anyway, July 9th I started working at Whataburger and blessed to have that job. Be lucky if I still do, you'll understand when you finish reading all this. Yes, it may be long. Really long. The other job in round top didn't work out, sad story. But not the one I'm gonna share. This stuff is personal, everything with God is which is why I think its necessary because I'm sharing my faith.
Working at Whataburger took me away from going to church which was so not cool at all, I was able to go to the morning classes. But I wanted to stay for church and everything. My hours was crazy, felt as if it was becoming my life. I am good at that job which is why I love it, but I hate what it was doing to me. I thought it was the job. It wasn't, it was me. My chemical imbalance in the brain known as a 'mental illness' or to others 'crazy'. I had relapse Saturday night the 16th last month, wasn't sure if it was normal. But deep down because of my past, being on medicine, being told of my diagnosis, remembering, and realizing it isn't normal. I needed help, there was only one person I knew I could go to. Yes, there were many of other people I could've gone to. But I wasn't comfortable nor did I think they could help or be there in a way this person has.
I got in my car that night, driving around the town, thinking "no it can't be", just thinking about how long I been doing good, and how far I came. For the most part, I didn't want to accept it. Didn't want to believe it, never did, and didn't want to that night either. But I changed in the past 7 months, having Christ in my life made all the difference. Getting to know Him, believing in something so great, beyond powerful, most loving, and forever be our true King. I kept trying to drive around, trying to get a good reception on the radio, and then finally I did. All I heard on the radio was, "Don't you give up now". It was creepy in a good way because I had been trying to tell God that I don't understand and demanding a answer from Him. I was upset and angry. I'm very glad He did that, and yes I truly believe it was Him. After that I went back home thinking about what can I do now, remembering the person I had gone to for help, a very good friend. She once told me she hope that I trusted her enough to go to her for help. The following morning I had called her and we talked.
On the 22nd I went into the hospital (mental) for only one purpose and that was get back on medicine. Going in kept me from working and since I last check boss is holding the job for me. You wouldn't believe how I got to share my faith in there and talk about God, it was amazing and at the same time rough. But after a week, I realize I know the ropes. Been through it for ten years, I don't have to live that way, things don't have to be that bad, I didn't have to let it. I chose God, He is the one in control of my life. Even though I talked about God with others in there, I wasn't strong.
One of the things I learned is the whole time when I had my cell phone in my hand back home I could've had my bible in it insend. I always knew it was more important, but never realized how important it is. Guess you don't know until you get it taken away or can't have it.
I had to believe, I had to really use my faith to help me, maybe help others that were in there. Some weren't believers, some said they were but weren't showing it, and some truly seem they are. I got laughed at, eyes roll, and ignored. I wanted to share God's word anyway, it kept me holding on. Gave me high hopes, that my dreams are still possible. They may not be God's plans for me, but it is the road unknown. I don't know what I will come across or have to face. I can only see a little of what my eyes can, God sees everything and knows it all.
When I got out on the 31st, it was nice. Another dear friend of mine had came and gotten me which I'm so greatful for. I keep my focus on God, and take my medicine. I now know the truth that I do need them and that I need to stay on them. I was just a kid when I first got on them, I never really had the chance to really see if I need them like I did these past 7 months.
The first friend of mine I was talking about helped me find that song, heard it in the hospital more then a few times. Its What Faith Can Do by Kutless. Its my all time favorite song and I listen to it all the time, almost know every single word.
I am very thankful to know Christ and have my friends (Christian family) as well my family there for me. Without Christ things would have not be what they are for me today and that's the truth. I look forward to what God's plans are for me. God bless!
3 weeks ago I was really struggling, but I figure life gets hard I can do it so I kept doing my best. Anyway, July 9th I started working at Whataburger and blessed to have that job. Be lucky if I still do, you'll understand when you finish reading all this. Yes, it may be long. Really long. The other job in round top didn't work out, sad story. But not the one I'm gonna share. This stuff is personal, everything with God is which is why I think its necessary because I'm sharing my faith.
Working at Whataburger took me away from going to church which was so not cool at all, I was able to go to the morning classes. But I wanted to stay for church and everything. My hours was crazy, felt as if it was becoming my life. I am good at that job which is why I love it, but I hate what it was doing to me. I thought it was the job. It wasn't, it was me. My chemical imbalance in the brain known as a 'mental illness' or to others 'crazy'. I had relapse Saturday night the 16th last month, wasn't sure if it was normal. But deep down because of my past, being on medicine, being told of my diagnosis, remembering, and realizing it isn't normal. I needed help, there was only one person I knew I could go to. Yes, there were many of other people I could've gone to. But I wasn't comfortable nor did I think they could help or be there in a way this person has.
I got in my car that night, driving around the town, thinking "no it can't be", just thinking about how long I been doing good, and how far I came. For the most part, I didn't want to accept it. Didn't want to believe it, never did, and didn't want to that night either. But I changed in the past 7 months, having Christ in my life made all the difference. Getting to know Him, believing in something so great, beyond powerful, most loving, and forever be our true King. I kept trying to drive around, trying to get a good reception on the radio, and then finally I did. All I heard on the radio was, "Don't you give up now". It was creepy in a good way because I had been trying to tell God that I don't understand and demanding a answer from Him. I was upset and angry. I'm very glad He did that, and yes I truly believe it was Him. After that I went back home thinking about what can I do now, remembering the person I had gone to for help, a very good friend. She once told me she hope that I trusted her enough to go to her for help. The following morning I had called her and we talked.
On the 22nd I went into the hospital (mental) for only one purpose and that was get back on medicine. Going in kept me from working and since I last check boss is holding the job for me. You wouldn't believe how I got to share my faith in there and talk about God, it was amazing and at the same time rough. But after a week, I realize I know the ropes. Been through it for ten years, I don't have to live that way, things don't have to be that bad, I didn't have to let it. I chose God, He is the one in control of my life. Even though I talked about God with others in there, I wasn't strong.
One of the things I learned is the whole time when I had my cell phone in my hand back home I could've had my bible in it insend. I always knew it was more important, but never realized how important it is. Guess you don't know until you get it taken away or can't have it.
I had to believe, I had to really use my faith to help me, maybe help others that were in there. Some weren't believers, some said they were but weren't showing it, and some truly seem they are. I got laughed at, eyes roll, and ignored. I wanted to share God's word anyway, it kept me holding on. Gave me high hopes, that my dreams are still possible. They may not be God's plans for me, but it is the road unknown. I don't know what I will come across or have to face. I can only see a little of what my eyes can, God sees everything and knows it all.
When I got out on the 31st, it was nice. Another dear friend of mine had came and gotten me which I'm so greatful for. I keep my focus on God, and take my medicine. I now know the truth that I do need them and that I need to stay on them. I was just a kid when I first got on them, I never really had the chance to really see if I need them like I did these past 7 months.
The first friend of mine I was talking about helped me find that song, heard it in the hospital more then a few times. Its What Faith Can Do by Kutless. Its my all time favorite song and I listen to it all the time, almost know every single word.
I am very thankful to know Christ and have my friends (Christian family) as well my family there for me. Without Christ things would have not be what they are for me today and that's the truth. I look forward to what God's plans are for me. God bless!
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