For me, again so much is changing I don't even want to begin to tell you how much.
But I will... Just some.
From my own understanding I will be getting that job that I been praying and hoping for, I am very pleased about it and cannot wait to start when I get back home (from Arkansas). I been thinking alot about it and how it comes first. Then I realize that nothing comes before my God, no one and nothing. Yes, the job is very important and I do need it. It doesn't mean that I won't work hard to keep it. I'm just simply saying that, "God is first, always." that is all. Because I was thinking about at first how I'm going to need to be in bed at a reasonable hour, how I won't be texting like I used to or would like to, how I need to get at work early, how I need to do my best, and how I need be committed to it. I was thinking of all these things just so I can have a job to support myself, to make a living.
Truth is, I felt like I had put more thought in this then putting my God first. So, that's why I shared that. And you can pretty much figure out that is another thing I'm thinking about as well as coming up with how to put Him first in line. So far all I got is praying; when I wake, when I eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, when I go to bed, and whenever in between I know I should. I'm not saying I don't pray, but honestly... Not all the time like I know I should. As for anything else how I can put God first, I'm still thinking on that.
Then there's a possibility of getting my own place, I should really wait and make sure that I know 100% sure that it will happen. But I'm not, and I'm okay with the fact if it doesn't happen. Yeah... I'll be disappointed, but that's part of life. I feel like if it doesn't happen then it was not meant to. Anyway, I would like to share my thoughts on it.
Wednesday, I have to go get the paperwork. Thursday, I will need to fill it all out or as soon as I can. If not finish, I'll continue the next day. And then when I finish, I'll go turn it in. And at some point I will find out for sure. In the mean time, I been doing ALOT of thinking about what I need to think about and consider. My thinking doesn't end on that because I'm always wondering about this and that. So alot of times I just tell myself that, "Faith in God makes life possible, not easy."
It feels like the biggest change yet if it happens (getting my own place) is that I will finally be out there, where and what most people call 'the real world'. For me, I don't see it that way. There are children (people) around the world that has to face it and in a way we all do, just because some of us had parents or guardian that care about us, support and love us, and to protect us doesn't mean the others do. For me, I call it... Life, that needs Jesus.
For the reason of saying 'biggest change yet' is because I will be on my own. If it happens. Sure, my family and friends will be there to help me out and guide me when it is needed. But for the most part, the rest is up to me. Its a scary thought, but is and has been my dream every since I've come to known that I can do more then what I was told or believed. I don't really know what all I can do, but that's how you find out by taking risks in life and doing more then what's expected. I want to go as far as life can take me, I want to live and have a life that always was known as the impossible for me. My main point in this one is the fact that I'm scared and excited at the same time if it becomes a reality of having my own place. If I don't get it, next time at least I'll know what feelings are to be expected. As far as being scared, I think that's the growing up part. And the excited part is being able to, for me it is.
No one will ever know how God has changed (the impossible) and made it into something I can. No one will know the impact that took in my life and how He changed my heart. He continues to work in me as well as in my life, helping me grow. I'm not the only one, there are more then many I cannot count. But there are tons of them everywhere that needs it more then me as well as for those who don't believe. Even though He helped and still does, I came to Him. God doesn't say, "Hey, I love you and I want you." He waits till we are ready. It took me a very long time to understand that. Before that, it was like, "God? If you really love me, do this." Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. It didn't for me. And another thing, we can pray and ask for things, but God wants us to do our part as well. He doesn't want 50%. He wants our 100%, very best of what we got. That's what I believe and how I understand it.
Now, this is something I put on facebook the night I was troubling with something. Once I realized it, I put it on facebook and felt at ease. Thought I just share.
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