These past months have been extremely crazy, but I think life is that way for everyone in one way or another. I wanted to share about this past year how much it change, but I first wanted to share what it was like before then how it is now. When I came to live with my grandparents a year ago in Dec. 12th, 2010 I did not know or could ever dream my life being what it is today, but its all because of the people God brought into my life. I have wonderful grandparents that are so loving and caring, parents that always stuck by me no matter what, a amazing little sister, I have these amazing friends that know me all too well, and not least but above all my Savior Jesus Christ who will never leave my side. I started out not knowing much about Jesus or hardly enough to know I can be forgiven by accepting Him as my Savior.
I think about so much that I probably don't even need to, but I have always been that way though I am so much better at how I think about things. Few things I would think about before I came to live with my Grandma and Papa was; will life get any better, will I ever have that mother and daughter thing, is God real at all, and I always wonder if He was that it be possible to ever know if I be going to Heaven even after all I've done. I done so much since 2000 up until the last year in high school, then I've tried to be 'a better person' and change my ways. But somehow that didn't seem to work, every morning I remember getting up constantly being reminded of the things I did and wondering if my parents ever forgive me. It felt like the biggest burden, I felt like I was a burden. Though I felt stuck in Austin for 9 months before I came to live with my Grandparents, it was the hardest and best thing I had to go through because I learned alot about my illness and about what I put my parents through. It was easier to want to change who I was cause I knew what it was I wanted to change. Though at the same time I thought I had the skills and believed at the time I never needed to be on any meds that it was just my selfishness and the attention I wanted back then. That was why I took myself off, I did good for a while. But then things got too hard and I realized it was more then what I thought, at that time the two things I knew is I did not want to give up and that I had to get back on meds.
When I came to live with my Grandparents, I did not have many friends at all. I had two; a neighbor who took me to church, and a Sunday school teacher. I didn't even have my own car yet. I had many questions and so much I wanted to know about God, it amazed me learning because Second Baptist Church was different then the other churches I been to. It was very friendly, something there that had me and kept me going back every Sunday. Then it was Beth Moore Bible Study to Houston Tuesday nights, then Friendships. Then before I knew it there was Wednesday nights bible study at church I didn't know about, and a car that my Papa provided me with. I started to get real busy real quick, helping out with King's Daughters and then a job came along. A trip to see my family in Arkansas on my real mother's side for the first time in 10 years, then came back to move into my first apartment, met this most awesome mom that means so much, lost the job and then got another, soon that was when things got hard where I had to go back into hospital and get back on meds. Then with being back on meds things were different for me for a while, but I still had friends even though I thought for sure I lose them. I had lost that job, move out of my apartment and back in with with grandparents with my cat, got a new job at Wal-Mart, and now I have someone in my life that I can actually consider my mom. But God did it all, there's nothing or anything I wouldn't want without my Lord Jesus Christ. I feel I did more this year then I was actually able to do my whole life and its a wonderful feeling, all the thanks goes to the Man upstairs. I only hope and I pray that I continue to follow the path Jesus is at.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Friday, August 26, 2011
Just yapping..
Okay, so I'm not working and I'm not even sure if it was the best choice after all. Nevermind on the reasons. Just can't stand not working knowing I could be doing that right now making money I could use. What changed between now and before I quit, I don't know. I just feel its one of my dumb choices I been making lately, but we learn and keep going. A friend told me "you fall off the horse six times, you get back up the seventh time" well it was something like that, but hope you get the point. At the same time I'm having a hard time seeing what God's plans are for me or what's in front of me, but I'm praying about it.
Praying seems like the best choice anyone can make. And you can get stuff and everything off your chest sharing it with God, He already knows and ready to listen at any time of day or night. I just hope I'm doing what God wants me to do, I know I don't do enough so I'm trying to do more then reading a verse here and there, praying/talking to God about life and what not.
I like singing in the choir and that helps even though I really can't sing, but don't think that matters to God because I'm only singing to Him and no one else. I been wanting to do that forever and glad I get to because I wasn't even sure if I'd be allowed to so I think its awesome. And yes, I'm on here because I am just bored today and rather write about what's on my mind then not at all. Hope its not too personal, well to me I just simply feel like I'm yapping mainly.
I got a young cat name Chewy, he sure is the best. I feel so lucky to have him and so greatful a friend of mine got me him. Chewy likes to be up in my face whenever he can, I on the other hands would like to breath. He likes to be loved on meaning petted and talked to, and playing. When he's not getting the attention when he wants it, he goes around my feet maowing at me. His maow is very soft and he looks at you like you know what he's maowing about so he'll expect you to answer him. What I like about him the most isn't just one thing, there's many things about that cat that brings joy and puts a smile on my face, sometimes he can make me laugh by the silly things he thinks he can do. Overall, he's the best cat I say. And I already love him so very much, I especially love how he returns the favor. Loving me back, being a friend when I need one. Even though he can't talk back, I think he tries to by maowing and letting me know it'll be alright. So I guess you get the idea he's a great cat.
Now that summer's over and school starting, things change once again and always will. I don't like change much, but when I get old I imagine I'm gonna hate it because the world's going to be a different place with technology by then unless if Jesus comes back before then or if I get call home. Technology is already changing the world, kinda neat and kinda scary. Depends on what it is used for I guess, just as long as it doesn't replace our amazing God who Himself is neater and greater then anything. Even technology and money. Now about the money, that's just sad. But yapping about that I find it very unneccsary because it seems everything has to be about money and it doesn't, but it is. In a world without Jesus.
Life just been different for me since I been out of the hospital and I guess if it makes any sense I'm trying to find my place in this world with Jesus by my side. But God been so good to me, and He continues to amaze me all the time that He's there reminding me so much like how bless I am to have the people who are around me, my Christian family. Sometimes knowing things like that is all it takes to put a real smile on your face because life can always be so much more worse, but nothing can change the fact that we Christians will always have Jesus no matter how bad they get. Life is so much more then money and technology. Things that keeps us from God, our Heavenly Father. Just so there's no misunderstanding I love my blood family very much and they mean so much.
Well, I'm think I'm done yapping on here so I'll get off for now until next time I have something better to share then just yapping, at least I don't feel like I waste my breath. Better go, later.
Praying seems like the best choice anyone can make. And you can get stuff and everything off your chest sharing it with God, He already knows and ready to listen at any time of day or night. I just hope I'm doing what God wants me to do, I know I don't do enough so I'm trying to do more then reading a verse here and there, praying/talking to God about life and what not.
I like singing in the choir and that helps even though I really can't sing, but don't think that matters to God because I'm only singing to Him and no one else. I been wanting to do that forever and glad I get to because I wasn't even sure if I'd be allowed to so I think its awesome. And yes, I'm on here because I am just bored today and rather write about what's on my mind then not at all. Hope its not too personal, well to me I just simply feel like I'm yapping mainly.
I got a young cat name Chewy, he sure is the best. I feel so lucky to have him and so greatful a friend of mine got me him. Chewy likes to be up in my face whenever he can, I on the other hands would like to breath. He likes to be loved on meaning petted and talked to, and playing. When he's not getting the attention when he wants it, he goes around my feet maowing at me. His maow is very soft and he looks at you like you know what he's maowing about so he'll expect you to answer him. What I like about him the most isn't just one thing, there's many things about that cat that brings joy and puts a smile on my face, sometimes he can make me laugh by the silly things he thinks he can do. Overall, he's the best cat I say. And I already love him so very much, I especially love how he returns the favor. Loving me back, being a friend when I need one. Even though he can't talk back, I think he tries to by maowing and letting me know it'll be alright. So I guess you get the idea he's a great cat.
Now that summer's over and school starting, things change once again and always will. I don't like change much, but when I get old I imagine I'm gonna hate it because the world's going to be a different place with technology by then unless if Jesus comes back before then or if I get call home. Technology is already changing the world, kinda neat and kinda scary. Depends on what it is used for I guess, just as long as it doesn't replace our amazing God who Himself is neater and greater then anything. Even technology and money. Now about the money, that's just sad. But yapping about that I find it very unneccsary because it seems everything has to be about money and it doesn't, but it is. In a world without Jesus.
Life just been different for me since I been out of the hospital and I guess if it makes any sense I'm trying to find my place in this world with Jesus by my side. But God been so good to me, and He continues to amaze me all the time that He's there reminding me so much like how bless I am to have the people who are around me, my Christian family. Sometimes knowing things like that is all it takes to put a real smile on your face because life can always be so much more worse, but nothing can change the fact that we Christians will always have Jesus no matter how bad they get. Life is so much more then money and technology. Things that keeps us from God, our Heavenly Father. Just so there's no misunderstanding I love my blood family very much and they mean so much.
Well, I'm think I'm done yapping on here so I'll get off for now until next time I have something better to share then just yapping, at least I don't feel like I waste my breath. Better go, later.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Its all God
Well, alot happened in the last two months and haven't got a clue where to begin. But I will give it my best shot.
3 weeks ago I was really struggling, but I figure life gets hard I can do it so I kept doing my best. Anyway, July 9th I started working at Whataburger and blessed to have that job. Be lucky if I still do, you'll understand when you finish reading all this. Yes, it may be long. Really long. The other job in round top didn't work out, sad story. But not the one I'm gonna share. This stuff is personal, everything with God is which is why I think its necessary because I'm sharing my faith.
Working at Whataburger took me away from going to church which was so not cool at all, I was able to go to the morning classes. But I wanted to stay for church and everything. My hours was crazy, felt as if it was becoming my life. I am good at that job which is why I love it, but I hate what it was doing to me. I thought it was the job. It wasn't, it was me. My chemical imbalance in the brain known as a 'mental illness' or to others 'crazy'. I had relapse Saturday night the 16th last month, wasn't sure if it was normal. But deep down because of my past, being on medicine, being told of my diagnosis, remembering, and realizing it isn't normal. I needed help, there was only one person I knew I could go to. Yes, there were many of other people I could've gone to. But I wasn't comfortable nor did I think they could help or be there in a way this person has.
I got in my car that night, driving around the town, thinking "no it can't be", just thinking about how long I been doing good, and how far I came. For the most part, I didn't want to accept it. Didn't want to believe it, never did, and didn't want to that night either. But I changed in the past 7 months, having Christ in my life made all the difference. Getting to know Him, believing in something so great, beyond powerful, most loving, and forever be our true King. I kept trying to drive around, trying to get a good reception on the radio, and then finally I did. All I heard on the radio was, "Don't you give up now". It was creepy in a good way because I had been trying to tell God that I don't understand and demanding a answer from Him. I was upset and angry. I'm very glad He did that, and yes I truly believe it was Him. After that I went back home thinking about what can I do now, remembering the person I had gone to for help, a very good friend. She once told me she hope that I trusted her enough to go to her for help. The following morning I had called her and we talked.
On the 22nd I went into the hospital (mental) for only one purpose and that was get back on medicine. Going in kept me from working and since I last check boss is holding the job for me. You wouldn't believe how I got to share my faith in there and talk about God, it was amazing and at the same time rough. But after a week, I realize I know the ropes. Been through it for ten years, I don't have to live that way, things don't have to be that bad, I didn't have to let it. I chose God, He is the one in control of my life. Even though I talked about God with others in there, I wasn't strong.
One of the things I learned is the whole time when I had my cell phone in my hand back home I could've had my bible in it insend. I always knew it was more important, but never realized how important it is. Guess you don't know until you get it taken away or can't have it.
I had to believe, I had to really use my faith to help me, maybe help others that were in there. Some weren't believers, some said they were but weren't showing it, and some truly seem they are. I got laughed at, eyes roll, and ignored. I wanted to share God's word anyway, it kept me holding on. Gave me high hopes, that my dreams are still possible. They may not be God's plans for me, but it is the road unknown. I don't know what I will come across or have to face. I can only see a little of what my eyes can, God sees everything and knows it all.
When I got out on the 31st, it was nice. Another dear friend of mine had came and gotten me which I'm so greatful for. I keep my focus on God, and take my medicine. I now know the truth that I do need them and that I need to stay on them. I was just a kid when I first got on them, I never really had the chance to really see if I need them like I did these past 7 months.
The first friend of mine I was talking about helped me find that song, heard it in the hospital more then a few times. Its What Faith Can Do by Kutless. Its my all time favorite song and I listen to it all the time, almost know every single word.
I am very thankful to know Christ and have my friends (Christian family) as well my family there for me. Without Christ things would have not be what they are for me today and that's the truth. I look forward to what God's plans are for me. God bless!
3 weeks ago I was really struggling, but I figure life gets hard I can do it so I kept doing my best. Anyway, July 9th I started working at Whataburger and blessed to have that job. Be lucky if I still do, you'll understand when you finish reading all this. Yes, it may be long. Really long. The other job in round top didn't work out, sad story. But not the one I'm gonna share. This stuff is personal, everything with God is which is why I think its necessary because I'm sharing my faith.
Working at Whataburger took me away from going to church which was so not cool at all, I was able to go to the morning classes. But I wanted to stay for church and everything. My hours was crazy, felt as if it was becoming my life. I am good at that job which is why I love it, but I hate what it was doing to me. I thought it was the job. It wasn't, it was me. My chemical imbalance in the brain known as a 'mental illness' or to others 'crazy'. I had relapse Saturday night the 16th last month, wasn't sure if it was normal. But deep down because of my past, being on medicine, being told of my diagnosis, remembering, and realizing it isn't normal. I needed help, there was only one person I knew I could go to. Yes, there were many of other people I could've gone to. But I wasn't comfortable nor did I think they could help or be there in a way this person has.
I got in my car that night, driving around the town, thinking "no it can't be", just thinking about how long I been doing good, and how far I came. For the most part, I didn't want to accept it. Didn't want to believe it, never did, and didn't want to that night either. But I changed in the past 7 months, having Christ in my life made all the difference. Getting to know Him, believing in something so great, beyond powerful, most loving, and forever be our true King. I kept trying to drive around, trying to get a good reception on the radio, and then finally I did. All I heard on the radio was, "Don't you give up now". It was creepy in a good way because I had been trying to tell God that I don't understand and demanding a answer from Him. I was upset and angry. I'm very glad He did that, and yes I truly believe it was Him. After that I went back home thinking about what can I do now, remembering the person I had gone to for help, a very good friend. She once told me she hope that I trusted her enough to go to her for help. The following morning I had called her and we talked.
On the 22nd I went into the hospital (mental) for only one purpose and that was get back on medicine. Going in kept me from working and since I last check boss is holding the job for me. You wouldn't believe how I got to share my faith in there and talk about God, it was amazing and at the same time rough. But after a week, I realize I know the ropes. Been through it for ten years, I don't have to live that way, things don't have to be that bad, I didn't have to let it. I chose God, He is the one in control of my life. Even though I talked about God with others in there, I wasn't strong.
One of the things I learned is the whole time when I had my cell phone in my hand back home I could've had my bible in it insend. I always knew it was more important, but never realized how important it is. Guess you don't know until you get it taken away or can't have it.
I had to believe, I had to really use my faith to help me, maybe help others that were in there. Some weren't believers, some said they were but weren't showing it, and some truly seem they are. I got laughed at, eyes roll, and ignored. I wanted to share God's word anyway, it kept me holding on. Gave me high hopes, that my dreams are still possible. They may not be God's plans for me, but it is the road unknown. I don't know what I will come across or have to face. I can only see a little of what my eyes can, God sees everything and knows it all.
When I got out on the 31st, it was nice. Another dear friend of mine had came and gotten me which I'm so greatful for. I keep my focus on God, and take my medicine. I now know the truth that I do need them and that I need to stay on them. I was just a kid when I first got on them, I never really had the chance to really see if I need them like I did these past 7 months.
The first friend of mine I was talking about helped me find that song, heard it in the hospital more then a few times. Its What Faith Can Do by Kutless. Its my all time favorite song and I listen to it all the time, almost know every single word.
I am very thankful to know Christ and have my friends (Christian family) as well my family there for me. Without Christ things would have not be what they are for me today and that's the truth. I look forward to what God's plans are for me. God bless!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Life as I know it..
Not really..
I don't know anything about the plans God has for me or what His will is, only He knows.
It's crazy! I already moved in and all unpack. I love my place, but to be honest its a little harder then I thought. That won't stop me though, and maybe nothing can when I got Jesus by my side.
I knew it'd be hard, but I think that's why God made us friends so they can be there by our side so we can see He is there. I have a bigger family then I realize. Lastnight a friend of mine told me that, Christian family. The biggest one there is! And I love it, I'm so greatful we have each other.
When my friend told me she doesn't know how I do it, but I am. That was encouraging, and today another friend of mine said something that was encouraging as well because she said I encouraged her. God continues to remind me, "Hang in there, don't give up, I'm here and I'm not leaving!" He always letting me know that He is, and that's more then enough to not give up! I cannot live without Him, I want to know Him more...
I love being on my own, keeping my place all nice and neat. The thing is though its so quiet there, I listen to music when I need to. But until I know what my bill is, I don't wanna use alot until I know how much it'll be. Its cool to be living in LaGrange, I rode my bike to the library just to get on here. That's gas saver!
I just hope some people aren't right about me, I think I can actually do more then what they think and go further then anyone knows. More then I know myself.. I'm just so greatful I even made it this far, but if it wasn't for having God and Jesus in my life. I wouldn't and couldn't have made it this far, I wouldn't have had my Christians brothers and sisters who still encourages me or the kind of comfort and love that only Jesus can provide that helps me the most. Having faith in something I cannot see, but knowing its real and there. I do have doubts when times are hard, but in my heart.. It will always come back down to Jesus, I live for Him, to please Him, to make Him proud, and because He makes me happy knowing He's there.
Now I gotta go, library is closing. BYE!!!!!!!!! And I'll write again... (:
I don't know anything about the plans God has for me or what His will is, only He knows.
It's crazy! I already moved in and all unpack. I love my place, but to be honest its a little harder then I thought. That won't stop me though, and maybe nothing can when I got Jesus by my side.
I knew it'd be hard, but I think that's why God made us friends so they can be there by our side so we can see He is there. I have a bigger family then I realize. Lastnight a friend of mine told me that, Christian family. The biggest one there is! And I love it, I'm so greatful we have each other.
When my friend told me she doesn't know how I do it, but I am. That was encouraging, and today another friend of mine said something that was encouraging as well because she said I encouraged her. God continues to remind me, "Hang in there, don't give up, I'm here and I'm not leaving!" He always letting me know that He is, and that's more then enough to not give up! I cannot live without Him, I want to know Him more...
I love being on my own, keeping my place all nice and neat. The thing is though its so quiet there, I listen to music when I need to. But until I know what my bill is, I don't wanna use alot until I know how much it'll be. Its cool to be living in LaGrange, I rode my bike to the library just to get on here. That's gas saver!
I just hope some people aren't right about me, I think I can actually do more then what they think and go further then anyone knows. More then I know myself.. I'm just so greatful I even made it this far, but if it wasn't for having God and Jesus in my life. I wouldn't and couldn't have made it this far, I wouldn't have had my Christians brothers and sisters who still encourages me or the kind of comfort and love that only Jesus can provide that helps me the most. Having faith in something I cannot see, but knowing its real and there. I do have doubts when times are hard, but in my heart.. It will always come back down to Jesus, I live for Him, to please Him, to make Him proud, and because He makes me happy knowing He's there.
Now I gotta go, library is closing. BYE!!!!!!!!! And I'll write again... (:
Sunday, June 5, 2011
I been thinking...
Okay, so I always think. But lately, there's so much thoughts going in and out of my mind. So much I need to think about, so much I need to consider, so much I need to look out for, so much I need to do, so much I want to do, and the so much more, continues. So much of all that never ends, day to day and week after week it all turns into new things. Things that are always in God's hands no matter how any of us choose to see it.
For me, again so much is changing I don't even want to begin to tell you how much.
But I will... Just some.
From my own understanding I will be getting that job that I been praying and hoping for, I am very pleased about it and cannot wait to start when I get back home (from Arkansas). I been thinking alot about it and how it comes first. Then I realize that nothing comes before my God, no one and nothing. Yes, the job is very important and I do need it. It doesn't mean that I won't work hard to keep it. I'm just simply saying that, "God is first, always." that is all. Because I was thinking about at first how I'm going to need to be in bed at a reasonable hour, how I won't be texting like I used to or would like to, how I need to get at work early, how I need to do my best, and how I need be committed to it. I was thinking of all these things just so I can have a job to support myself, to make a living.
Truth is, I felt like I had put more thought in this then putting my God first. So, that's why I shared that. And you can pretty much figure out that is another thing I'm thinking about as well as coming up with how to put Him first in line. So far all I got is praying; when I wake, when I eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, when I go to bed, and whenever in between I know I should. I'm not saying I don't pray, but honestly... Not all the time like I know I should. As for anything else how I can put God first, I'm still thinking on that.
Then there's a possibility of getting my own place, I should really wait and make sure that I know 100% sure that it will happen. But I'm not, and I'm okay with the fact if it doesn't happen. Yeah... I'll be disappointed, but that's part of life. I feel like if it doesn't happen then it was not meant to. Anyway, I would like to share my thoughts on it.
Wednesday, I have to go get the paperwork. Thursday, I will need to fill it all out or as soon as I can. If not finish, I'll continue the next day. And then when I finish, I'll go turn it in. And at some point I will find out for sure. In the mean time, I been doing ALOT of thinking about what I need to think about and consider. My thinking doesn't end on that because I'm always wondering about this and that. So alot of times I just tell myself that, "Faith in God makes life possible, not easy."
It feels like the biggest change yet if it happens (getting my own place) is that I will finally be out there, where and what most people call 'the real world'. For me, I don't see it that way. There are children (people) around the world that has to face it and in a way we all do, just because some of us had parents or guardian that care about us, support and love us, and to protect us doesn't mean the others do. For me, I call it... Life, that needs Jesus.
For the reason of saying 'biggest change yet' is because I will be on my own. If it happens. Sure, my family and friends will be there to help me out and guide me when it is needed. But for the most part, the rest is up to me. Its a scary thought, but is and has been my dream every since I've come to known that I can do more then what I was told or believed. I don't really know what all I can do, but that's how you find out by taking risks in life and doing more then what's expected. I want to go as far as life can take me, I want to live and have a life that always was known as the impossible for me. My main point in this one is the fact that I'm scared and excited at the same time if it becomes a reality of having my own place. If I don't get it, next time at least I'll know what feelings are to be expected. As far as being scared, I think that's the growing up part. And the excited part is being able to, for me it is.
No one will ever know how God has changed (the impossible) and made it into something I can. No one will know the impact that took in my life and how He changed my heart. He continues to work in me as well as in my life, helping me grow. I'm not the only one, there are more then many I cannot count. But there are tons of them everywhere that needs it more then me as well as for those who don't believe. Even though He helped and still does, I came to Him. God doesn't say, "Hey, I love you and I want you." He waits till we are ready. It took me a very long time to understand that. Before that, it was like, "God? If you really love me, do this." Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. It didn't for me. And another thing, we can pray and ask for things, but God wants us to do our part as well. He doesn't want 50%. He wants our 100%, very best of what we got. That's what I believe and how I understand it.
Now, this is something I put on facebook the night I was troubling with something. Once I realized it, I put it on facebook and felt at ease. Thought I just share.
For me, again so much is changing I don't even want to begin to tell you how much.
But I will... Just some.
From my own understanding I will be getting that job that I been praying and hoping for, I am very pleased about it and cannot wait to start when I get back home (from Arkansas). I been thinking alot about it and how it comes first. Then I realize that nothing comes before my God, no one and nothing. Yes, the job is very important and I do need it. It doesn't mean that I won't work hard to keep it. I'm just simply saying that, "God is first, always." that is all. Because I was thinking about at first how I'm going to need to be in bed at a reasonable hour, how I won't be texting like I used to or would like to, how I need to get at work early, how I need to do my best, and how I need be committed to it. I was thinking of all these things just so I can have a job to support myself, to make a living.
Truth is, I felt like I had put more thought in this then putting my God first. So, that's why I shared that. And you can pretty much figure out that is another thing I'm thinking about as well as coming up with how to put Him first in line. So far all I got is praying; when I wake, when I eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, when I go to bed, and whenever in between I know I should. I'm not saying I don't pray, but honestly... Not all the time like I know I should. As for anything else how I can put God first, I'm still thinking on that.
Then there's a possibility of getting my own place, I should really wait and make sure that I know 100% sure that it will happen. But I'm not, and I'm okay with the fact if it doesn't happen. Yeah... I'll be disappointed, but that's part of life. I feel like if it doesn't happen then it was not meant to. Anyway, I would like to share my thoughts on it.
Wednesday, I have to go get the paperwork. Thursday, I will need to fill it all out or as soon as I can. If not finish, I'll continue the next day. And then when I finish, I'll go turn it in. And at some point I will find out for sure. In the mean time, I been doing ALOT of thinking about what I need to think about and consider. My thinking doesn't end on that because I'm always wondering about this and that. So alot of times I just tell myself that, "Faith in God makes life possible, not easy."
It feels like the biggest change yet if it happens (getting my own place) is that I will finally be out there, where and what most people call 'the real world'. For me, I don't see it that way. There are children (people) around the world that has to face it and in a way we all do, just because some of us had parents or guardian that care about us, support and love us, and to protect us doesn't mean the others do. For me, I call it... Life, that needs Jesus.
For the reason of saying 'biggest change yet' is because I will be on my own. If it happens. Sure, my family and friends will be there to help me out and guide me when it is needed. But for the most part, the rest is up to me. Its a scary thought, but is and has been my dream every since I've come to known that I can do more then what I was told or believed. I don't really know what all I can do, but that's how you find out by taking risks in life and doing more then what's expected. I want to go as far as life can take me, I want to live and have a life that always was known as the impossible for me. My main point in this one is the fact that I'm scared and excited at the same time if it becomes a reality of having my own place. If I don't get it, next time at least I'll know what feelings are to be expected. As far as being scared, I think that's the growing up part. And the excited part is being able to, for me it is.
No one will ever know how God has changed (the impossible) and made it into something I can. No one will know the impact that took in my life and how He changed my heart. He continues to work in me as well as in my life, helping me grow. I'm not the only one, there are more then many I cannot count. But there are tons of them everywhere that needs it more then me as well as for those who don't believe. Even though He helped and still does, I came to Him. God doesn't say, "Hey, I love you and I want you." He waits till we are ready. It took me a very long time to understand that. Before that, it was like, "God? If you really love me, do this." Sorry, but it doesn't work that way. It didn't for me. And another thing, we can pray and ask for things, but God wants us to do our part as well. He doesn't want 50%. He wants our 100%, very best of what we got. That's what I believe and how I understand it.
Now, this is something I put on facebook the night I was troubling with something. Once I realized it, I put it on facebook and felt at ease. Thought I just share.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
CHANGES!!!
So much has changed and still changing, at the same time I realize everything is always changing even when we don't see it or don't think it is.
I'm not sure where to start, my friends are so busy doing their thing and with summer coming up its bound to get crazy. Texting is going to be a different deal then what I'm used to, so that's changing. For some people, its always crazy/busy for them. For others, they see it as everyday task. For me, still trying to find my thing and figure out how I'm suppose to look at it. But no matter how we see it, it's part of life. A friend of mine put on facebook "That minutes are like pennies, each one counts." I was thinking all day yesterday about it and she put that on facebook two days ago, but I haven't really thought about it until yesterday morning though. I think its so true what she put because I waited ten years to come back to Arkansas and see my family that missed me for so long, and realizing I missed out on an amazing family I never realized I had.
When I got to thinking about how minutes are like pennies, I realized that we shouldn't take a second of our life for granted even though I know we all do. Minutes or years, it all counts. Because in between all of it, everything changes and there's nothing that can be done about it. But we can make the best of what we got this very second and try to appreciate what God has given us.
Being here in Arkansas is something the old me would never had done. When I say old me, I'm talking about the old Brandi who was on medicine for ten years and wasn't a believer in Jesus Christ yet. The old Brandi on medication was stuck in the past relaying on stuff to make her feel better expecting it to do all the work, but after ten years I finally woke up realizing and learned that I wasn't getting anywhere good. And that at the same time, seeing that only God can save us. I'm talking about from eternal hell when I say save.
Now, I been off medicine for almost seven months and doing extremely great. I can't say if I ever really needed to be on medicine or not. But I will say in my opinion, it was the only thing I knew at the time and the only thing anyone else knew how to help me. I don't care what anyone says about my past, what I did or what I said because all that really matters now is the Brandi I am today. My past is not only history of things I've done, but sins. Sins that were forgiven when I accepted Christ. The past doesn't matter anymore cause it's not who I am, its who I was and that's all behind me. Now I'm not saying I'm cured or anything, but the truth is I don't need to be on medicine anymore. My counselor thinks I never needed any except counseling. I see her one more time next month and then I'm done because she says I'm doing too good that there are others that need my place. I'm greatful that at some point, my diagnosis will be clear as well. What I'm trying to get at is that we do need God, but He made doctors and medicine for a reason. In my case, its a different story.
Back in my hometown, I might get a job. When I leave here I'm suppose to meet someone that may hire me, the last I heard the lady is very interested in meeting me. Hopefully this person will see that I really want the job. I can't wait to see how it'll turn out, I'm excited and have high hopes for this one. I already been told what I'll be doing and all, so its very exciting and at the same time I'm so eager about learning as I go. Finally have another thing that I can do with my time and hopefully it'll be enough to get by. I don't care about being rich or poor, all I need is enough to get by and I'm greatful.
I know on my very first post I put up was about my testimony, it was real when I wrote that. But after a while, I could tell there's more to it then just saying I believe and I'm forgiven. There's so much to it that a whole lifetime is not enough for us to learn it all. Its a on going learning experience that lasts forever.
I'm not sure where to start, my friends are so busy doing their thing and with summer coming up its bound to get crazy. Texting is going to be a different deal then what I'm used to, so that's changing. For some people, its always crazy/busy for them. For others, they see it as everyday task. For me, still trying to find my thing and figure out how I'm suppose to look at it. But no matter how we see it, it's part of life. A friend of mine put on facebook "That minutes are like pennies, each one counts." I was thinking all day yesterday about it and she put that on facebook two days ago, but I haven't really thought about it until yesterday morning though. I think its so true what she put because I waited ten years to come back to Arkansas and see my family that missed me for so long, and realizing I missed out on an amazing family I never realized I had.
When I got to thinking about how minutes are like pennies, I realized that we shouldn't take a second of our life for granted even though I know we all do. Minutes or years, it all counts. Because in between all of it, everything changes and there's nothing that can be done about it. But we can make the best of what we got this very second and try to appreciate what God has given us.
Being here in Arkansas is something the old me would never had done. When I say old me, I'm talking about the old Brandi who was on medicine for ten years and wasn't a believer in Jesus Christ yet. The old Brandi on medication was stuck in the past relaying on stuff to make her feel better expecting it to do all the work, but after ten years I finally woke up realizing and learned that I wasn't getting anywhere good. And that at the same time, seeing that only God can save us. I'm talking about from eternal hell when I say save.
Now, I been off medicine for almost seven months and doing extremely great. I can't say if I ever really needed to be on medicine or not. But I will say in my opinion, it was the only thing I knew at the time and the only thing anyone else knew how to help me. I don't care what anyone says about my past, what I did or what I said because all that really matters now is the Brandi I am today. My past is not only history of things I've done, but sins. Sins that were forgiven when I accepted Christ. The past doesn't matter anymore cause it's not who I am, its who I was and that's all behind me. Now I'm not saying I'm cured or anything, but the truth is I don't need to be on medicine anymore. My counselor thinks I never needed any except counseling. I see her one more time next month and then I'm done because she says I'm doing too good that there are others that need my place. I'm greatful that at some point, my diagnosis will be clear as well. What I'm trying to get at is that we do need God, but He made doctors and medicine for a reason. In my case, its a different story.
Back in my hometown, I might get a job. When I leave here I'm suppose to meet someone that may hire me, the last I heard the lady is very interested in meeting me. Hopefully this person will see that I really want the job. I can't wait to see how it'll turn out, I'm excited and have high hopes for this one. I already been told what I'll be doing and all, so its very exciting and at the same time I'm so eager about learning as I go. Finally have another thing that I can do with my time and hopefully it'll be enough to get by. I don't care about being rich or poor, all I need is enough to get by and I'm greatful.
I know on my very first post I put up was about my testimony, it was real when I wrote that. But after a while, I could tell there's more to it then just saying I believe and I'm forgiven. There's so much to it that a whole lifetime is not enough for us to learn it all. Its a on going learning experience that lasts forever.
It was the first week of last month when the whole Jesus dying on the cross became something so real and powerful, feelings I never had. And like when I was praying afterwards, felt like I wasn't talking to a brick wall anymore. I begin to realize I never really accepted His forgiveness and I was just beginning to have real faith, but between then and the first week of this month I did accept it. I think before like when I wrote that testimony, I already had believed in God. I just didn't truly accept His gift. The song 'Amazing Love' is what started it all. At first I was getting all choked up listening to it, picturing the cross, and the whole Jesus dying for our sins. It is truly an amazing thing when you do believe in something so great, beyond any one's understanding. And when you have faith in God and give your whole life to Him, that's the kind of thing that can change your life completely and give you such unbelievable amazing love that brings the kind of joy only He can provide. For me, my journey has only begun and its called the walk with Jesus.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Accepting His Amazing Gift
Two days ago, a dear friend of mine that I look up to and admire so much told me something that really changes my thoughts and the way I look at things. Changes how I look at myself and as well how I been looking at others. Not that it was bad how I was looking at others or thinking of them, just she help me see things much clearer and have a better understanding as a Christian. She said, "To see and love a person as Jesus sees and loves Him" I love that meaning so much!
This morning as we text she told me more about God and Satan that really blows my mind. This I have to share, "When you become a Christian and asked for God's forgiveness, God gave it to you. Your past sins was covered with a blanket of His forgiveness. God takes your hand and you begin to walk together growing and becoming all He wants you to be. But Satan comes along and he can't stand that. He thinks if he can't have you anymore, the least he can do is make you stumble. He always starts with our past. Cause it's so easy. He pries back that blanket and reminds you of everything that's there is and he tells you those little lies... (You're not good enough. You have done too much. etc...) You look at Christ and He reminds you of His forgiveness and pulls that blanket back over it all and for a little while you walk and grow together again." that what really blows my mind because I never saw it that way and thought it'd be cool to share that with all of you.
Well, that's really all I wanted to share and that I'm still trying to figure stuff out. All I pretty much know right now things take time and this is taking more time then I thought, but I have to be patient. Get back to y'all later, well sooner or later.....
This morning as we text she told me more about God and Satan that really blows my mind. This I have to share, "When you become a Christian and asked for God's forgiveness, God gave it to you. Your past sins was covered with a blanket of His forgiveness. God takes your hand and you begin to walk together growing and becoming all He wants you to be. But Satan comes along and he can't stand that. He thinks if he can't have you anymore, the least he can do is make you stumble. He always starts with our past. Cause it's so easy. He pries back that blanket and reminds you of everything that's there is and he tells you those little lies... (You're not good enough. You have done too much. etc...) You look at Christ and He reminds you of His forgiveness and pulls that blanket back over it all and for a little while you walk and grow together again." that what really blows my mind because I never saw it that way and thought it'd be cool to share that with all of you.
Well, that's really all I wanted to share and that I'm still trying to figure stuff out. All I pretty much know right now things take time and this is taking more time then I thought, but I have to be patient. Get back to y'all later, well sooner or later.....
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Spur of the Moment
I really didn't have time to come up with something good to write about and hope this will do. This is just the spur of the moment kind of thing. Been trying to do this for like a week now. So weird, wasn't that long it seem like I didn't have enough to do and now its like I have to make plans so I can do stuff in time. With trying to find a job and trying to make a budget, things are getting really scary mainly because this grown up stuff in really happening. Before I was pretty much taken care of, now my Grandparents are teaching me things I need to know. I know no one said it'd be easy, I guess it'll be hard at first until I get used to it. I had someone in Austin tell me that life is hard, we have to suck it up and work with what we have and can do because it isn't gonna get any easier. I'm thinking with God in our hearts and prayers, maybe with Him life won't be so hard because we'll have the kind of joy and love He gives. And with Him, even in the Bible it says "With Him We Can Do All Things" I think its in the Bible, not sure. I don't have it with me right now and if I did I wouldn't have a clue where to look for it. A friend of mine would know though, if she reads this she would know that I'm talking about her. I text her a lot asking questions about God and stuff. She is very helpful and I look up to her, always.
In the past two weeks a lot has happened. I can't really get into details, but I had to really trust God and have great faith in Him. It was hard because I really didn't think things would get any better than they were and didn't know if things would get better either with a friend of mine in Austin. But it did with many prayers and faith. I'll still be praying and I thank all my friends for praying with me and being there, I thank my Grandparents who still helps and supports me in any way they can, and I am very thankful that God was and will still be there for all of us. I think it's always important to pray and be thankful, not just when we need something or having a hard time.
Another thing I just have to share that I really believe 100% is that "A Thankful Heart is a Happy Heart" a friend of mine let me borrow a tape on Veggie Tales. Now I know I'm not a kid and all, but I love Veggie Tales and the Bible stories. This Veggie Tale was a lesson in Thankful, I loved the lesson so much I watch it twice. Sadly to say my same friend has one tape left for me to see. She has been letting me watch Veggie Tales after Veggie Tales each week. I'm very thankful she did and I will continue to look for more Veggie Tales.
Once I do get a job (if I ever do) I'm not sure what my plans will be or if I'll have time to keep writing on here, but my Sunday school teacher seems to make time for hers so maybe I can too. I just need to make time once I figure out what I'm doing when I get a job and get going. I'm praying and hoping when I do get a job I still can make it to Sundays morning church and Wednesdays night bible study. I just don't think I can give any of those up, I live for God or at least that's my main plan to. I just think if I give anything up that has to do with God then I'm not doing what He wants. I have this saying that I been using and not sure if others use it or not, but its "Live for God and a little less me" I just love saying that and I do mean it. I know lately I haven't been reading the Bible as often as I was before and I know that's not good at all. That's where tomorrow comes in, I'm taking a whole hour to give the Bible my full attention and then I will finish my homework for King's Daughters.
Well, I must go because I can go on for days and write forever. I wish everyone and anyone who reads this the best. I'll write something sooner or later....... (:
In the past two weeks a lot has happened. I can't really get into details, but I had to really trust God and have great faith in Him. It was hard because I really didn't think things would get any better than they were and didn't know if things would get better either with a friend of mine in Austin. But it did with many prayers and faith. I'll still be praying and I thank all my friends for praying with me and being there, I thank my Grandparents who still helps and supports me in any way they can, and I am very thankful that God was and will still be there for all of us. I think it's always important to pray and be thankful, not just when we need something or having a hard time.
Another thing I just have to share that I really believe 100% is that "A Thankful Heart is a Happy Heart" a friend of mine let me borrow a tape on Veggie Tales. Now I know I'm not a kid and all, but I love Veggie Tales and the Bible stories. This Veggie Tale was a lesson in Thankful, I loved the lesson so much I watch it twice. Sadly to say my same friend has one tape left for me to see. She has been letting me watch Veggie Tales after Veggie Tales each week. I'm very thankful she did and I will continue to look for more Veggie Tales.
Once I do get a job (if I ever do) I'm not sure what my plans will be or if I'll have time to keep writing on here, but my Sunday school teacher seems to make time for hers so maybe I can too. I just need to make time once I figure out what I'm doing when I get a job and get going. I'm praying and hoping when I do get a job I still can make it to Sundays morning church and Wednesdays night bible study. I just don't think I can give any of those up, I live for God or at least that's my main plan to. I just think if I give anything up that has to do with God then I'm not doing what He wants. I have this saying that I been using and not sure if others use it or not, but its "Live for God and a little less me" I just love saying that and I do mean it. I know lately I haven't been reading the Bible as often as I was before and I know that's not good at all. That's where tomorrow comes in, I'm taking a whole hour to give the Bible my full attention and then I will finish my homework for King's Daughters.
Well, I must go because I can go on for days and write forever. I wish everyone and anyone who reads this the best. I'll write something sooner or later....... (:
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Why the title?
I had this title in my mind for a while now. Thinking how I could explain why it means so much to me. It's a long story, but it is true and I'd like to share it with you. Hope you enjoy it.
April 12th, 2010 of last year I was living with my parents. I was troubled and did what I knew best, run away. I've known to do that since 2000, I was only 12 years old when my problems began. I was put on medications every since. First it was because I had to go to a (mental) hospital then it became something I wanted to do just to get away from problems. I been going in and out of hospitals every since, hiding out till my problems cooled down. It was what I always did when things got hard in life, run. I always assume that I had a home to come back to. This time I was wrong. This is where it begins. Where I let God in my life, but it took 8 and half months before I got there. Before I knew what I know now about God.
Sometime in Oct. 2009 my dear neighbor invited me to Second Baptist in LaGrange. It been a few years before I been to any church at all. When I first went to Second Baptist, I saw a whole different idea of who God really was and is. But I didn't believe, I wanted to. Just couldn't. Not yet. But I became a member of that church, hoping I would become a believer. I wanted to believe.
So after two weeks being in the hospital in April 2010, I had to go into a group home in Austin. I was scared and soon realized that I was away from everyone and everything I knew. The group home was not an ideal place for anyone to live, but at least I did have a place to stay. A part of me wanted to know why I couldn't come back home, but at the same time I knew. I knew every reason why. I just needed to hear it so I would know it was true. But I didn't ask because in my heart it was too hard. The hospital set me up with a place where I went during the week, called 'Hill Country Counseling'. Where I could get help. I was scared and so lost, felt like I was being punish. I didn't think of God. I kept thinking how was I going to get home. I mostly thought of myself and only me. Weeks went by, I told my family I wanted to come home and I told everyone else I spoke to that I wanted to come home. It was like they could hear me, but they weren't listening. I didn't know what else to do, but run and keep regressing.
At some point my parents finally brought the cd of 'Seale Sisters' that I kept asking about. At the time it was the closest and only thing I had to God. The music gave me comfort and sometimes I cried because I wanted to believe that the words in the songs were true, but at the time I had huge doubts. I thought about the last ten years of my life; my mistakes, my relationships, my sins, and basically everything I could remember I thought about.
After 6 months of still running; I felt so tired, so depressed, and so lost. I felt like life was meaningless and thought I had no purpose to stick around. Before I could decide anything I thought and ask myself, "Do I really want it to end this way?" as I start remembering everything I could possibly remember about my whole life. The good, the bad, and everything in between. To the thing I hated most to the most important thing that seem to only matter to me, my dear sister. The thought of her growing up, living a life of her own. I wanted to be apart of that. So I knew I couldn't do anything because she's my baby sister and I couldn't bare the thought of doing that to her. It got me thinking about what I wanted and what I was going to do about it. That night I listen to 'He will carry you' and 'God did it' on the cd in bed. I must have fallen to sleep because the next morning I felt such hope and loved. And I haven't felt loved since the whole time I was there. That was when I decided that I wasn't gonna give up. And I wasn't gonna run anymore, ever. I truly believe and feel that was my first leap of faith, hoping and believing I can do this. That I can believe in God. That I didn't have to live that way. That small faith took my all the way to November.
Between August and November I started to do what I could and didn't worry about what I couldn't. I joined a gym that was big and went there weekly. At Hill Country Counseling I started to use the help they offer; learned how to deal with everyday problems as well as the big ones, learned about coping skills, and social skills. I learned just enough to help me get where I am now.
In November when I came to visit my parents and my baby sister for Thanksgiving, it made me realize how badly I was ready to come back. I knew I couldn't go back home because it wasn't my home anymore. Things were different and so was I. But I did knew it was time for me to come back, it had to be. When I went back to Austin where I was currently living, for the first time I started to pray in I don't know how long. But I prayed and told God I wanted to come back, that I wanted to go to church. Not just any church, but Second Baptist in LaGrange. In a couple of days things weren't working out with a friend of mine. Our plans were to get an apartment together, but somehow her mother decided no. So I thought, "Well, I can't go back into a group home". I was staying with her at the time because the group home had bedbugs and they weren't doing anything about it. That was how we was gonna get a place together because she wanted to have a room mate and I needed a good place to live. I called my Dad telling him that I just can't go back into another group home, that I couldn't. After the call, I prayed again and ask God to help me find a way to get back to LaGrange. Later that night I thought about maybe my Grandparents would let me stay with them. So after calling my Grandma and asking her. I was so overwhelmed with such hope and joy, cried because I honestly felt like I wasn't ever going to be able to come back.
Dec. 12th, 2010 I moved in with my Grandparents. I feel like God was always there and heard me all along, waiting. I feel like when God send His son to die for us on the cross, that was Him giving us a chance to be heard (our cries of sins). I no longer feel like I am living in twilight zone. God gives me the kind of love and strength I never had, a peace of mind. God saved me from my troubles and my past. God did that, no one else. I am a new Christian and proud to be one.
That is the story of my testimony and I hope it was a good one. In this blog I will share my thoughts and beliefs. I hope you all look forward to reading more of what I have to share.
April 12th, 2010 of last year I was living with my parents. I was troubled and did what I knew best, run away. I've known to do that since 2000, I was only 12 years old when my problems began. I was put on medications every since. First it was because I had to go to a (mental) hospital then it became something I wanted to do just to get away from problems. I been going in and out of hospitals every since, hiding out till my problems cooled down. It was what I always did when things got hard in life, run. I always assume that I had a home to come back to. This time I was wrong. This is where it begins. Where I let God in my life, but it took 8 and half months before I got there. Before I knew what I know now about God.
Sometime in Oct. 2009 my dear neighbor invited me to Second Baptist in LaGrange. It been a few years before I been to any church at all. When I first went to Second Baptist, I saw a whole different idea of who God really was and is. But I didn't believe, I wanted to. Just couldn't. Not yet. But I became a member of that church, hoping I would become a believer. I wanted to believe.
So after two weeks being in the hospital in April 2010, I had to go into a group home in Austin. I was scared and soon realized that I was away from everyone and everything I knew. The group home was not an ideal place for anyone to live, but at least I did have a place to stay. A part of me wanted to know why I couldn't come back home, but at the same time I knew. I knew every reason why. I just needed to hear it so I would know it was true. But I didn't ask because in my heart it was too hard. The hospital set me up with a place where I went during the week, called 'Hill Country Counseling'. Where I could get help. I was scared and so lost, felt like I was being punish. I didn't think of God. I kept thinking how was I going to get home. I mostly thought of myself and only me. Weeks went by, I told my family I wanted to come home and I told everyone else I spoke to that I wanted to come home. It was like they could hear me, but they weren't listening. I didn't know what else to do, but run and keep regressing.
At some point my parents finally brought the cd of 'Seale Sisters' that I kept asking about. At the time it was the closest and only thing I had to God. The music gave me comfort and sometimes I cried because I wanted to believe that the words in the songs were true, but at the time I had huge doubts. I thought about the last ten years of my life; my mistakes, my relationships, my sins, and basically everything I could remember I thought about.
After 6 months of still running; I felt so tired, so depressed, and so lost. I felt like life was meaningless and thought I had no purpose to stick around. Before I could decide anything I thought and ask myself, "Do I really want it to end this way?" as I start remembering everything I could possibly remember about my whole life. The good, the bad, and everything in between. To the thing I hated most to the most important thing that seem to only matter to me, my dear sister. The thought of her growing up, living a life of her own. I wanted to be apart of that. So I knew I couldn't do anything because she's my baby sister and I couldn't bare the thought of doing that to her. It got me thinking about what I wanted and what I was going to do about it. That night I listen to 'He will carry you' and 'God did it' on the cd in bed. I must have fallen to sleep because the next morning I felt such hope and loved. And I haven't felt loved since the whole time I was there. That was when I decided that I wasn't gonna give up. And I wasn't gonna run anymore, ever. I truly believe and feel that was my first leap of faith, hoping and believing I can do this. That I can believe in God. That I didn't have to live that way. That small faith took my all the way to November.
Between August and November I started to do what I could and didn't worry about what I couldn't. I joined a gym that was big and went there weekly. At Hill Country Counseling I started to use the help they offer; learned how to deal with everyday problems as well as the big ones, learned about coping skills, and social skills. I learned just enough to help me get where I am now.
In November when I came to visit my parents and my baby sister for Thanksgiving, it made me realize how badly I was ready to come back. I knew I couldn't go back home because it wasn't my home anymore. Things were different and so was I. But I did knew it was time for me to come back, it had to be. When I went back to Austin where I was currently living, for the first time I started to pray in I don't know how long. But I prayed and told God I wanted to come back, that I wanted to go to church. Not just any church, but Second Baptist in LaGrange. In a couple of days things weren't working out with a friend of mine. Our plans were to get an apartment together, but somehow her mother decided no. So I thought, "Well, I can't go back into a group home". I was staying with her at the time because the group home had bedbugs and they weren't doing anything about it. That was how we was gonna get a place together because she wanted to have a room mate and I needed a good place to live. I called my Dad telling him that I just can't go back into another group home, that I couldn't. After the call, I prayed again and ask God to help me find a way to get back to LaGrange. Later that night I thought about maybe my Grandparents would let me stay with them. So after calling my Grandma and asking her. I was so overwhelmed with such hope and joy, cried because I honestly felt like I wasn't ever going to be able to come back.
Dec. 12th, 2010 I moved in with my Grandparents. I feel like God was always there and heard me all along, waiting. I feel like when God send His son to die for us on the cross, that was Him giving us a chance to be heard (our cries of sins). I no longer feel like I am living in twilight zone. God gives me the kind of love and strength I never had, a peace of mind. God saved me from my troubles and my past. God did that, no one else. I am a new Christian and proud to be one.
That is the story of my testimony and I hope it was a good one. In this blog I will share my thoughts and beliefs. I hope you all look forward to reading more of what I have to share.
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